Help Thou my Unbelief

In Mark 9 we read the story of a desperate father, pleading with the Lord to save his son. His son was possessed by an unclean spirit, and had been since he was "a child." This makes me wonder how old the boy was? Perhaps a young teenager? This spirit was constantly plaguing this poor family, throwing the boy in the fire or the water to kill him. I cannot imagine the stress as a mother! Trying every moment of every day to protect your son, who is no longer a tiny baby. However old he was, I am sure it was physically taxing as well, to constantly pull him out of trouble, and try to restrain him for his own safety. As a 2 year old, that would be really hard on either parent. If he were a teenager, it would have been nearly impossible, even for both parents!

This father had obviously heard of Jesus, and had come to find him (possibly even traveling a long way with his son), knowing that he could heal him, and thus bless the entire family. He met with the disciples, as Christ was not there at the time (he was on the Mount of Transfiguration), and, knowing that they also worked miracles, he asked them to heal his son. I'm sure that having heard of the miracles that had been performed, he felt like his long journey was finally at an end.

But the disciples could not heal him.

Amidst the chaos and (I'm sure) frustration that ensued, Christ arrived. People ran to him, and the father was among them. He begged our Savior to save his son. He told him the whole story--all that happened to his son, what the spirit did to him, the fact that the disciples couldn't heal him... I can only imagine the hope that this father felt, and yet the fear he probably had. When this is the very last hope you have in the world for your son, and the rest of your family, to every live a happy normal life, how do you not quake in fear that it won't work out?

"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." (Mark 9:23)

"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." (Mark 9:24)

The part that has always struck me in this story is the humility of this incredible father. He didn't hesitate, he "straightway" responded. He did believe. He didn't doubt his faith. As Jeffrey R. Holland said, "I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng

Then, this father followed up quickly by recognizing that his faith may not be enough. He knew it was there, but he did not know if it was enough.

Our wonderful, loving, faithful Savior cast out the evil spirit, and lifted the boy up, returning him to his father, whole, for the first time in a long time.

While I am still profoundly struck by the humility of this father, something else caught my attention this time. The Lord told him that if he could believe all things were possible. This man did believe, but still had unbelief. Jesus did not say, "Okay, you don't believe enough, but I'll let it go this time." He knew that it was possible according to this father's faith. We are also told that if we ask we can receive. I can only assume that, quietly, and without fanfare, or too much of an audience, the Lord did exactly as this man asked, and helped his unbelief.

All things are possible if I believe. But if I have any unbelief, but I want to believe fully, Jesus Christ can (and will) help me with that first! I simply have to ask.

So many times throughout my life I have questioned things. I have wondered if this gospel REALLY is true. I have wondered if Heavenly Father really loves ME. I have wondered if I can really make it back to Heavenly Father's presence, and if the Atonement is really enough for ME and MY sins. (Spoiler Alert: It is. He does. I can. It is.) I want to believe it. I want to be enough. But something in me (or an evil spirit, whispering in my ear) says I am not enough, and I can't do it. I can't believe enough.

Especially when my depression was at it's worst... I knew that I had a lot to live for. I knew that I have a wonderful family who loves me, and that I have promise and potential. Alas, in those dark, hellish moments, I didn't really believe it. But I did want to believe it.

And in that desire to believe, and that wanting to even want to live, the Savior was able to save me. My depression is far from behind me, but the worst seems to be past. And I didn't believe enough. I know I didn't. But I wanted to.

As I asked the Lord to help my unbelief, and to save my very life, he did. It wasn't a fast recovery. It wasn't an immediate help. I didn't feel better immediately, or I guarantee you my depression would be long over, and would have lasted about 5 minutes, rather than 5 years. But he helped my unbelief, and he saved me. He did all that and more for me, and I know he can and will for you too. You just need to want to believe, and ask for his help.