Welcoming our Rainbow Baby

 On September 7, 2019, I woke up realizing that I hadn’t slept very well. I remembered waking up probably 6-7 times in the night with a serious contraction that I had to breathe through. I wasn’t due until September 19. I never felt like they were close enough to time or worry about it being the real thing, but I knew that they were prelabor contractions and they were doing their job.

Around 3 or 3:30 pm I started having somewhat regular contractions, about every 10-15 minutes. Again, they were intense and required my focus, but I wasn’t convinced anything was really happening. My cousin brought her baby over for me to watch at 4, with the plan of picking her up around 6. I didn’t mind and was glad to help (especially as she has watched our kids quite a few times), but the contractions took enough focus I was definitely looking forward to her coming to get her so I could go relax in a hot bath. I made myself eat a little dinner, but didn’t want to move far from my current position sitting on the couch as every shift brought a contraction. At 5 I texted my midwife, Valerie, and told her that I was having contractions, and had been up in the night with them as well, but wasn’t really sure that it meant anything today. She told me that she had just delivered two babies within the last 12 hours, and was super tired. She was still helping clean up from the second birth, and we both “decided” that I should wait to have my baby until the next day. He, however, had different plans. She told me that she was in my town from that birth and would be for a couple more hours, and asked me to keep her updated.

Around 6 my cousin showed up to take her little one, and, while I was glad to see them, I was relieved when I had the house to myself to be able to go take a bath and rest. Valerie had told me that false labor usually stops or slows down if you eat and take a hot bath, so that was my hope. I didn’t mind having a baby that day, but I did NOT want to go through hours and hours of false labor if I could help it.

As soon as they left I drew a bath and got in gratefully. Michael and our 4 year old son started getting the birth pool set up just in case, and our 2 year old daughter came in the bathroom with me to keep her busy. Every contraction I had to focus with all my strength on relaxing. I would picture a lighthouse (which the Lord had told me would be the symbol of that birth), take deep breaths, and my daughter would reach out and take my hand. I started asking her to say a scripture for me, and with each contraction, her sweet voice would fill me with peace; “Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not on thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy path.” I loved hearing this reminder of my favorite scripture and the peace that comes from leaning on the Lord. I had some soft hymns playing on my phone, which was a nice touch. I think it was soon after getting in the tub that I had my bloody show, and was pretty sure we were having a baby that night. I just figured it was still going to be a long time.

At 7:15 I texted Valerie again to tell her that contractions were strong and a regular 10 minutes apart. Michael was still trying to get the birth pool set up. The liner we had was not the correct one, and so it was nearly impossible to get on. He had the pool inflated, but couldn’t fill it until the liner worked. Between contractions I giggled at poor Michael getting one side on solidly, asking our son to hold it down, and then pulling on the other side. Every time I saw our little guy start inching his way up the pool, pulled by his daddy’s strength on the other side. I knew it was getting really frustrating though, so between contractions I jumped out and helped Michael get it on. Even with two adults it was hard, but we had the prompting to deflate the pool a little, put it on, and then re-inflate. It worked, and back into the warm bathtub I went.

What happened next is rather blurry. So much happened in so short a time that I don’t know if the order is all right in my head. My contractions still seemed to be about every 10 minutes, and while they were intense, I thought they were early labor contractions still. They hurt, but mostly were just a strong force, and as long as I relaxed I got through them fine. Michael was trying to get the kids in bed, as well as the tub filled, and I was eager for him to be done so he could come be with me. I knew he was getting spread thin with so many things to do, but I really just wanted him. Contractions were getting harder, and I no longer had my little daughter acting as doula. We had to get a good amount (I think it was 4-6 inches?) of cold water into the birth pool before we could add the hot, so that it wouldn’t melt the pool. I wanted out of my bathtub so badly! It was just so hard and didn’t have enough room. It was hard to relax in it.

I had been texting my mom through this, and at one point she asked (if I had the chance) if I could let her know when we texted Valerie. I texted back that we just had, and when she was confused, I tried to call her. On the first ring I realized that a contraction was coming, so I hung up. She called right back, and I remember being aware of the phone sitting next to me vibrating during that contraction, which for some reason was a bit amusing to me. She hung up after a couple of rings, realizing what was probably going on. As soon as the contraction was over, I called her back. We chatted, I told her what was going on, and I told her that even though it was feeling very serious, I thought it may still be a while because I was so cheerful and talkative between contractions, and aware even during. She didn’t tell me at the time, but she knew that wasn’t likely. I told her I had to go because a contraction was coming. I thought it was a 10 minute call, but looking back at the call logs it was only 5 minutes, so my contractions were getting a lot closer.

I think around 7:30 or so, I had a contraction that felt like it would feel a lot better if I just pushed a bit. That was odd, as with my other kids I had ZERO choice in the matter. My body just started pushing. But this time it was a mostly-conscious choice. I pushed a bit and it felt right. Michael yelled from the other room, asking if that was what it sounded like, and I told him yes, I was pushing a little, but just because it felt good. He came running in and grabbed my phone to call Valerie. I remember that he was so busy and flustered (trying to do 20 things at once to help me), that I offered to talk to her. So I told her what was going on, and she said she was on her way.

About the second or third contraction that I pushed a bit, I felt my water break, and figured baby was coming sooner than we thought. It was about 7:40. We texted Valerie, and apparently after seeing that she figured she wouldn’t make it. She still was hurrying, but told me later that when an experienced mom has been having contractions and then her water breaks, there is usually not much time left at all!

Looking at this on paper it looks like it was hours, but poor Michael was still trying to fill the tub and get the kids in bed. At 7:45 I heard the front door open, and Valerie came running in. She heard the pushing noises and knew baby was coming SOON. She asked me where Michael was, and I told her he was getting the kids in bed. She said, “He is not going to want to miss this!” and went running out to find him. I remember thinking that was funny. I knew I was quite close since I was pushing, but I didn’t think I was THAT close. Thankfully, the kids were FINALLY in bed, and they both came back in. I told them between contractions that I really wanted out of the bathtub, and into the birth tub, but it still wasn’t ready, and Valerie doubted there would be time. She told me I could do a land birth if I wanted. I don’t remember if I just laughed at her, or said, “WHY would I do that?” or what… I just know that a land birth was never an option.

They kept filling the tub in the hopes that there would be time. I could feel our baby’s head really low, but really wanted into the tub. After a while they said that the tub was ready if I cared enough to get in it. I did. I immediately got up, walked over, and, with support to get over the high ledge, finally got into the tub at 7:50 (I told you this was a lot in a short period of time!). It was sweet relief, as it always is for me. Soft, cushioned, and relaxing. The warm water finally covering my cold belly, and the bottom and sides of the tub perfect for kneeling, leaning and laying on. I felt like I could finally have my baby, though I hadn’t been consciously holding anything back before.

Contractions kept feeling better with pushing, and although I was conscious about pushing, and I still was choosing it, I don’t know if I could have not pushed. It still felt different from with the other babies though. It was like my body was forcing me to push, rather than my body pushing like it had with the others. I was mostly on my hands and knees at this point, leaning my arms and head against the edge of the pool. Michael held my hands, talked gently, smoothed my forehead, and helped me to feel calm. Suddenly I was SOOOO tired. I could hardly hold my head up, and kept saying that I just wanted to sleep. I giggled that I was so tired when I’d only really been in labor for about 4 hours, and had no right to be so exhausted. Valerie told me it was just the hormones making me tired, and that it was okay, I’d get a chance to rest soon.

I started to push and felt his head trying to crown. My biggest fear was tearing, and I was really trying to be relaxed and slow so that wouldn’t happen. I remember telling Michael (calmly) that I was scared. He told me it was okay, and that I was in control. That didn’t sit right with me, and I corrected him, “No, the Lord is in control, and that’s why it will be okay.” He agreed with me, and I kept trying to focus on that thought. He more or less crowned, and I finally had the (obvious) realization that if I just pushed a bit harder, the tremendous pressure would be relieved. I panted and told Valerie I didn’t want to tear, and she reassured me that she didn’t think I would. So I pushed hard, and his head finally was born at 8:01.

It was sweet relief, and I enjoyed it. I had a solid minute or two between contractions, where I stroked his head, and rejoiced that I was so close to done. After a break, another contraction came, and at 8:03 pm, our sweet rainbow baby was delivered into this world. I shifted to one knee, reached down, and delivered my baby, bringing him up to me. I have a vague memory of the cord being wrapped around his arms and such (I think it was around his arms, neck, and chest) a few times, and having to figure out how to unwrap him. I brought him up through the water slowly, let his face hit the air first, and then slowly brought the rest of him out after a little while. I turned around, leaned against the tub, and relaxed with him on my chest. He was absolutely covered in vernix, which surprised me. It was like cream cheese all over his body, cracking on the creases, but pretty much everywhere. Michael was behind me and together we just adored him. Michael and I kept looking at each other with wonder and amazement that it was already over, and that we had our sweet boy.

He was so very calm and alert. He wasn’t breathing very obviously, so I asked Valerie if she was concerned. She told me that she wasn’t at that point. His body was nice and pink, so she was pretty sure it was fine. After a few minutes she said that his breathing still sounded wetter than she would have liked. She said she didn’t think it was a problem right then, but thought it might be wise to help him to fully inflate his lungs with the ambu bag. We agreed, and she gave him 5 breaths. He did not appreciate it at all, and I think that’s when he started crying a bit. He nursed for a while, and it amazed me again how babies know what they need to do in order to live.

After a while I had more contractions and knew it was time to deliver the placenta. It was tricky as the baby was still attached to it, but I think I held him with one hand, moved to my knees, and used the other hand for some gentle cord guiding while I pushed. It took some gymnastics, but it was finally delivered at 8:35. We realized later it was a really cool placenta. The lobes were attached to the base, but not very attached to each other, which is unusual. There was also a spot that Valerie pointed out where it had started to calcify, which she said was probably why he came a bit early (he was born at 38 weeks and 2 days).

She asked Michael if he wanted to cut the cord (something he has described as very anticlimactic ever since he delivered our oldest), and he said no, he didn’t care. It hit me that even though neither of us really felt strongly about it, it seemed a shame to have the midwife do it, when one of us could. So I cut the cord at 8:38, which was my first time. He was right. It was anticlimactic. I still was glad that one of us did it though.

We got me cleaned up a bit and moved me and our little one to the bed, where we snuggled and breastfed while Michael and Valerie tidied up a bit. At some point during all of this one of the kids needed something, so Michael went in to check on them. He didn’t tell them that they had a new baby brother until the next morning, as we knew they wouldn’t sleep if they knew. We did a quick newborn exam. He was 6 lbs even, and 19 inches long. They got me a bit of food, and then Valerie left to go get some sleep. Our baby was her third birth in 15 hours. Michael took down the birth pool, and then we snuggled and spent time with our sweet little one before finally getting some sleep. It had been a beautiful day, and a beautiful birth.