The Birth of Our Angel, 03/31/15

This is the (VERY long in coming) story of my baby's birth. There will be talk of birth related things, such as dilation and placentas. If this bothers you, stop reading here. :)

For the rest of you...

We had everything necessary packed and ready by 37 weeks along, because that is what you do. We had the carseat installed in the car, with help from our local police station (they offer free carseat installation help), our bag for the birth center packed, and all of my "labor food" bought.

With that said, I was CERTAIN I would be pregnant a good while yet. Most first time moms go a week or two "late," and my mom always did. So I really only had things ready because that is what I was supposed to do. Ha ha ha. Now, while I had everything necessary packed, I had nothing extra that was wanted. I planned to have a playlist of soft hymns to listen to, index cards with inspirational scriptures written on them, and some essential oils just in case I decided to use them (which honestly I doubted, but I wanted to be prepared!). I planned on getting those things ready as things got closer.

My "39 Weeks Along" picture

On March 30, stuck in bed (as I was every morning, due to extreme dizziness and weakness, but none of the doctor's tests came back with any indication of why...), I decided that since I was 39 weeks along that day, it might be good timing to decide on what songs and what scriptures I wanted, though I planned on putting together the playlist and writing out the scriptures later. I spent most of the day, and came up with two good lists. I really thought I would get to use them...

I'd been having Braxton Hicks for a while. They were not a big deal, but sometimes distracting. That afternoon we went for a brief walk. This was because it was nice outside and I was actually feeling up to it. It was NOT an attempt to start labor. I was perfectly happy being pregnant, and was still pretty comfortable. I started seeing a pattern to my Braxton Hicks during the walk though. They were about 5 minutes apart, and about a minute long. We got home and I called my midwife, Kathy, just to apprise her, but was sure it was nothing. As I rested they faded, which is a good sign that they are not real contractions.

We ate some seven layer dip and a fruit smoothie (maybe that was before the walk?) for dinner. I took a shower and then lay in bed for a while, texting my midwife before going to sleep:

I'm about to head to sleep, but just so you have an update... 

They got closer together during my shower; about 1:40 apart. 

Then when I got back in bed they have been getting further apart, 

back to maybe 5 minutes, although I haven't been lying down for long. 

I'm still thinking it's nothing, and sleeping will probably make them stop,

 but I'll text/call you if I think I need to in the night. 

-8:26 PM

I tossed and turned for about an hour, finally giving up and texting again. I knew that my midwife recommended a Tylenol PM if you couldn't sleep in early labor, because she knew you would need the rest later on. 

At what point would you have me take a Tylenol PM? 

I can't seem to relax enough to sleep, and I'm still getting regular contractions 

(although I'm not sure how regular as I haven't been timing). 

If this isn't it, I'd rather have a sleepless night than take Tylenol. 

But if I'm really going to need my strength later, I would rather get the sleep. 

Thoughts?

-9:31 PM

She texted back that I should call her. I felt bad as it was the middle of the night. Yes, that is what I thought. Now I look at the time stamps and laugh at how early in the night it was! I wish I went to sleep that early nowadays!

I snuck out of the room (of course my sweet husband was fast asleep and had been for an hour), and called her. We chatted for a bit, and determined that I should take the Tylenol PM. We both knew that if this was the real deal the contractions would wake me soon, but that I would need all the sleep I could get. She told me at the end of our call that this did sound like the real thing to her, and she was pretty sure that I was in early labor, but to try to sleep. 

I didn't believe it even then. 

I went to bed, excited at the thought, but not getting my hopes up. After all, I was sure I had 2-3 weeks left, and most moms have a bunch of false alarms the first time, right?

I woke up at 1:17 and texted Kathy to let her know. Every pregnant woman understands waking up in the night to use the bathroom, and I was pretty sure that was all it was. I got back in bed and tried to go back to sleep. Another hour went by, and again I gave up.

I can't fall back asleep. Contraction are continuing and

 getting more intense. They feel really crampy, and make me 

want to go sit on the toilet or take a hot bath like 

I used to when I was on my period.

-2:12 AM

I just timed a few so I could tell you, and they seem to be 

about 3-3 1/2 minutes apart, but that is only based on a few. 

It's also weird because they are only painful for about the 

first 30 seconds or so. Then the pain fades away, and I would

 think it was over except that my stomach stays tight for another 

30 seconds or more. If they are still going and I can't sleep when 

Michael gets up at 3, I'll probably give you a call.

-2:15 AM

Oh yeah. THAT'S why we were in bed so early! My sweetie worked early morning custodial, and had to be to work at 4. This meant leaving around 3:30, so he got up at 3. 

Kathy wrote back quickly that I should call her. Now I look at this and think, "really?!" My contractions were 3-3.5 minutes apart while I was resting, and I was going to wait 45 minutes to call her?? Sheesh. I think I was just so afraid of being disappointed, and it was a lot earlier than I was expecting...

We talked on the phone, and she agreed that it would be good for me to be seen to get a feel for where things were at. I think this is when we agreed that I should call my mom who was going to be there, but had a two hour drive to make. I think this is also when Michael woke up, but I don't remember any exciting whisper of "It's time!" in his ear... I think he just woke to me on the phone or something? Our midwife's apprentice, Dani, was already at the birth center doing laundry from another birth, so we headed there to have her check me. We arrived around 3:40, because I was frantically telling Michael what essential oils and so forth I hadn't packed yet. Between contractions of course. It was too hard to focus during. I also downed a greek yogurt, hoping to have some calories to be working on if this was the real deal. 

We got to the birth center and visited for a while. She saw me in a few contractions, and we chatted about symptoms, and what the night had looked like so far. She said that she was pretty confident that I was solidly in early labor, based on how aware I was during contractions and so forth. She asked if I wanted a cervical check but I declined. She checked the baby's heart, which was good, and the baby's position. It was funny to me, because the baby had still not dropped and engaged in my pelvis, nor had he turned so his back was in the middle--he was still hanging out with his back on my right. She said we could stay if we wanted, but that she thought I'd be more comfortable at home, which I agreed with. She told me to try to rest, and try not to get out of bed until 8. 

We headed for home around 4:20. I was really discouraged. I really didn't feel that my contractions were painful, but I really had thought I was further along, and they were getting very intense. As we drove, I turned to Michael and said, "I don't know if I can do this if it gets much harder." My poor sweet husband just bit his tongue. 

I had coached him the whole pregnancy that when a woman says she can't do it anymore that she is usually in transition, so if I ever said that he should tell me that meant I was almost done. Well, we had just been told we were far from done, so he bit his tongue and also wondered how much harder it was going to get. 

The moment we pulled onto the freeway I told Michael to pull over, as I had to throw up. We stopped just in time, and I got back into the car even more discouraged. Throwing up is also a sign of transition. I texted Dani and asked if that worried her, but she wasn't too concerned and told me to get some rest and be gentle with my stomach so early in the morning. 

We got home and I climbed into bed, knowing my mom was not far away. The plan was for her (and my dad, as mom doesn't like driving at night, and he wanted to be there to see baby afterwards) to just walk in and head to sleep on the couch. We left the door unlocked for them, and tried to get to sleep. I really don't think we had even been home for 10 minutes when we heard the door. I felt a contraction coming, and told Michael quickly to go out and greet them, but shut the door so I could have privacy during my contraction. 

My contractions were getting really intense, and laying in bed was SO uncomfortable. It was probably only about 5 or 5:30 by now, and I just wanted my mommy. After the contraction I hopped up and went in to say hi. I was so much happier up that I didn't want to go back to bed, and it was so nice to see my parents. My dad was already laying on the couch with a blanket, because we had told them we would be in bed. He thought he got to go back to sleep, but I was not that kind. We all sat out there for a while, everyone talking quietly, and me enjoying the conversation. During contractions they all did a good job of talking even softer, but not making me feel watched. Mom even double checked that they were still okay to talk to each other during contractions, and I assured her they were fine!

A while passed, when during a contraction I felt my uterus tighten in a 2 second long push. I KNEW that was not supposed to be happening yet, and so gathered all my strength and focus to say (still in the middle of a contraction) "There is NO way I am pushing already." 

Everyone sprang into action. Michael texted Dani telling her what I had said. I asked everyone to be calm (still contracting and needed to focus on relaxing). My poor mother sat there KNOWING that we needed to go, but thinking that I didn't feel the urgency. She joked later that she was NOT going to catch that baby, but she was afraid that we didn't realize that this was a big deal. I felt the urgency (enough to talk during a contraction), but needed calm at the same time. 

Here is what Michael sent...

Kendyl has been having some powerful contractions and just 

said she was wondering if she could be pushing. (Which, by the way, 

is NOT what I said. I WAS pushing, and had no control over it! :D) 

Her contraction lengths have stayed about five minutes 

between and 1:30 average duration. 

-6:18

She wrote back saying we should come back in. Michael told her I just wanted a hot bath. Sadly, the rule was that I couldn't get in the bath unless the midwife was there, because it tends to speed things up. So I knew I couldn't, but I really wanted to. She said that we should come and we could make a decision about the bath once there.

I did NOT want to make the 20 minute drive again only to have to go home (yes, I was still doubting how far things were), but I knew that there was little choice. We headed back, arriving around 6:50. Yes, it took 20 minutes to get out the door. My poor mom nearly had a heart attack, but we all made it. :)

I think I had three contractions between the car and the room. I remember leaning against the front desk, swaying and moaning through a contraction, and being vaguely aware of Dani on the phone, telling Kathy it was time to come now. I felt myself pushing a little bit with each contraction still, but had no control over it. 

When I finally got back to the room, Dani asked if I could get on the bed for a few contractions so she could check my dilation and monitor the baby. I was fully dilated (thank heavens! I never had to deal with being told I was only a 2!), and the baby was doing great. He had turned properly, and was fully engaged. I kept asking if the tub was ready yet, but they were still filling it, and I couldn't get in until Kathy was there anyway. 

I think it was the second contraction on the bed when my water broke. It was around 7:14. This made things more intense, and I was DONE with the bed. I couldn't get in the water yet, so they had me try the birthing stool. I HATED it. I mean, I really hated it. A lot. I think a lot of that was because my water had just broken, so I could feel everything a lot more. I think the other part was that it was not the water, so I hated it. :D I think I had two contractions there before we FINALLY heard Kathy walk in the door. It had been almost exactly 20 minutes, which is how far she lives from the center. I thought it was so much longer, but she probably jumped in the car right after Dani called and booked it to the birth center. 

Around 7:16 I FINALLY got to get in the wonderful, kind, happy, warm, loving water. I'm telling you, that was the best thing since sliced bread. I was SO happy to be in the water, finally, finally, FINALLY. 

They continued to check the baby's heart rate between and during contractions, though I barely noticed. My mom sat on the edge of the tub behind me, and I lay back in her lap between contractions. She stroked my hair and helped me relax. Michael was directly in front of me, and I was able to see him and draw upon his strength. He encouraged me, loved me, held my hand, and talked to me between contractions. Kathy, Dani, and Lauren (another assistant who got there sometime before Kathy, but I'm not sure when) were also around the tub, stepping in from time to time to check the baby's heart rate, offer me water, or help me wipe my face (I kept throwing up), but mostly giving me my space. 

This time was a blur. I remember being able to totally relax between contractions, but during pushing hard. It was not deliberate though. This whole time my body was pushing. I couldn't stop it anymore than I could have stopped the waves of the ocean. I just went with it and trusted my body. 

I remember hearing myself moan while pushing (just because the air being expelled had to do something), and once hearing it get rather high pitched, almost like a moaning scream. I knew it still wasn't hurting, so I wasn't sure why I made that noise, but as soon as the contraction was over I looked at Michael and told him calmly that it sounded a lot worse than it felt, and that I was still doing great. He smiled and said he knew, and we continued riding the waves together. 

I also remember thinking at one point, remembering how people say that after you have a baby, hormones come in to make you forget how much it hurt, and how hard it was, so that you will be willing to have more babies. I really was doing fine, and I wanted to remember that, and not just assume that I had just forgotten how bad it "really was." So, thinking of that, I said that it really wasn't hurting, but required a lot of concentration, and that I was feeling great! This statement has given me reassurance many times since then. I just wanted to remember!

It wasn't too long before they could see the very tip of his head making it's way in and out, working past my pubic bone. I reached down to feel it, and remember being distracted by a bubble from his sack that was still full of fluid, and slightly to the side. It stayed there a long time and bugged me every time I tried to feel my baby. Feeling his head was encouraging but surreal. 

Finally I knew his head was really coming. Feeling a slight ring of fire was THE ONLY time during labor that I described as at all painful, and it really wasn't bad. I tried to not push, but again, I had no control over it, so push I did. I felt something give on the right, and knew I had torn a little, though I knew it wasn't bad. 

At 7:55 his head was delivered. I remember being surprised as his head came out, and he immediately turned his neck. I knew that he would turn, but I guess I thought it would be gradual. As he turned his head, it finally hit me that I was having a baby. Like, a real, living baby. Who could move his head! Most of his body followed right after, during the same contraction. 

I knew that usually once the head and shoulders are out, the rest of baby comes immediately. So head and shoulders were out, and I could see him, but I couldn't figure out why they wouldn't hand him to me. They told me he had stopped at his hips (how is that fair!?), and that if I pushed a little (between contractions) that he would come the rest of the way. So I did (my first deliberate push), and out he slithered at 7:56 AM (and yes, we have all laughed at the irony of being told to stay in bed until 8 AM).

They lay my sweet little one on my chest, and I was so happy to see him! He was so perfect, and very purple. :) They told me to rub his back to stimulate him a little, as he wasn't breathing yet. I half-heartedly did, but I had so little energy left that my rubbing wouldn't have stimulated a snail. After a moment Dani took him and gently tilted his head below his feet, hoping to help him breathe. That didn't help either, so finally she asked for the ambu bag. The moment he heard her state that, he decided he'd had enough, so he let out a hearty cry. Everyone seemed relieved, but Michael and I realized later that neither of us had been remotely worried. We both had peace and knew that it was fine. 

Our little one pretty much cried nonstop for the next two hours... But at least he was breathing!

A little time passed, and my placenta detached, but I still wasn't feeling any contractions or urges to get it out. They had me try to push it out, but that did nothing but make us all laugh. I had NO muscle tone or strength left, and had no contractions to help. Eventually, somehow, it was out at 8:14. 

Our first family picture

At 8:16 Michael cut the cord, then he took the baby while I sat on the shower stool and they helped me to get washed off. They told me to tell them if I got even a tiny bit dizzy. After a couple of minutes I told them that I was a little bit dizzy, but wasn't worried about it. When it didn't pass, they had Michael pass off the baby (probably to my mom?), and lift me out of the tub and onto the bed. 

We got nice and settled, cleaned things up (okay, they did that. I didn't help with clean up. ;D), and got comfortable. My dad came to see the new baby, bringing breakfast, and I loved seeing the look on his face as a brand new grandpa. 

My two loves

Eventually everyone left, and the midwives went out to see their other clients for the day's prenatal appointments. We were supposed to rest, but I just lay in bed, watching Michael holding our sweet new baby, both asleep, and I marveled at the love I felt for them. It was truly a beautiful moment, and a nice picture to have solidified in my mind as the day that we first met our son.