The Birth of our Joy

The birth of Baby Joy

On Saturday, January 14, 2017, I was working on sewing a blanket for our baby when contractions started. From the very first one they were very intense, more so than I ever remembered them getting with my first baby. I kept sewing for an hour or so, but stopping for each contraction as they got more and more regular. Finally I called my mom to ask her if they could come get our son. I told her I was pretty sure I was in labor. Michael looked up from the couch, super surprised. I guess I hadn’t been as obvious as I thought, and he had no idea what was going on. 

I called our midwife’s assistant, Tabitha and told her what was going on, and she assured me that they would be ready to come. They knew that my first had come pretty quickly, and where this was a second baby, they wanted to be sure they got here in time. I expressed concern that it may not be real. I didn’t want everyone to jump through hoops for me if it wasn’t even time. She told me that it certainly sounded like real labor, but that they would love me either way, and that it would be okay.

Shortly after contacting everyone, I realized that contractions had slowed WAY down. I think they had been regulating to about 5 minutes apart before the phone calls, but they started spacing further and further. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 8 minutes… It was all over the board. Eventually they spaced out even further, and I was SO discouraged. I wondered if I was just waiting for my mom to come get our son before my body really got down to business.

I asked Michael to give me and our son both a blessing, and he did. I was so worried about Little Man being hurt by another baby being in the house. My baby wasn’t even 2 yet! How could I take his toddlerhood away, and force him to grow up and be a big brother so soon? I don’t remember anything from my blessing, except that I felt comforted, but our son's blessing really stuck with me. He was blessed that his new little sister would not be a trial to him, but instead would be a joy. The word made me gasp, but I didn’t know why.

When my parents got to my house, I was a wreck. I was so emotional, and didn’t want them to take my sweet little boy if I wasn’t even in labor! But we knew it would probably be soon, and they had driven 2 hours to come get him. My mom gave me love and assurances, and I gave my son a long hug and sent them out the door. Contractions did not increase again, and I was so down!

I went to take a shower, listening to hymns and begging the Lord for comfort. It is rather funny now, remembering how distressed I was over something that was not that big of a deal, but pregnancy hormones run high, and I was so worried. I had never had false labor with my first, and so I didn’t know how to cope with the thought that after all that excitement, and after having to let my son leave, we may not have a baby that night. I remember thinking that I would never again hold my son in my arms and rock him, singing songs before tucking him into bed. Thankfully it didn’t take me long after our daughter was born to realize that this was ridiculous! Of course I would still hold him, rock him, and sing to him! Things would be different, but not so different.

As these thoughts ran through my head, I realized that I Need Thee Every Hour was playing on my phone. I listened for a moment. “I need Thee every hour, in Joy or pain”. Again that word! My heart leapt, and I began to weep. I got out of the shower and told Michael about those two experiences. Joy seemed to be everywhere, though I wasn’t feeling it right then. I told him I wondered if Joy was supposed to be a part of our baby's name. We had already decided on Brielle as a middle name, but I thought we should at least consider it. We agreed to think on it, and then went to bed. Contractions were virtually gone.

The next morning I SEETHED as I got ready for church. I was pretty sure I had lost my mucus plug around 6, but wasn’t sure what to do about church at 9. Tabitha encouraged me to normalize my day for my sanity’s sake.  I wasn’t SUPPOSED to be at church! I was SUPPOSED to be at home, lapping up the first day with my precious newborn. I was SUPPOSED to have my little guy at my side, admiring his new little sister. Instead I went to church, still very pregnant, very uncomfortable, and missing my son like crazy. Thankfully I had my wonderful husband by my side. It was so hard when people asked where our son was, because I had to explain why I WASN’T SUPPOSED to be there. It was quite infuriating. Again, pregnancy hormones make for a laughable situation now, but felt so heavy and disappointing at the time.

That afternoon my mom texted to ask what was up. She knew that we had gone to sleep with no baby or contractions, but she wondered if there were any further developments. I remember texting back something about a big fat NOTHING happening, and that I wanted my little boy back, and just wanted to quit. It felt so unfair to “lose” that “last” bit of time with our son when our baby girl wasn’t even on her way. I also knew that I was almost a week early, and that she may not come for a while. My mom comforted me and said that she usually didn’t start labor until about 7 or 8 at night, so there was still hope. I didn’t dare get my hopes up, but right about 7 pm, I had another strong contraction!

Around 7:30 I texted Tabitha again, letting her know that I was getting contractions every 15-30 or so minutes. They were really strong again, but I was afraid to trust them where they were so far apart. I worried that she might be posterior as my back was very crampy during contractions, but Tabitha confirmed that she had been anterior at the last appointment, so we could hope she still was. I planned to go to bed soon and try to get as much sleep as possible.

I told her, “I honestly am just scared to go to bed. I’m afraid that they will either stay every 30ish minutes and wake me up every time I’m finally almost asleep, or I’ll sleep through it turning real and wake up pushing. Haha”

I went to bed around 8:30, but around 9:10 texted again. “Haha, so much for that… I am still going to try, but they are getting closer to 10 minutes apart and really long. Super uncomfortable for the first minute or so, but then I can feel that my stomach is tight for about another TWO MINUTES.. So that’s like a 3 minute contraction… is that even possible? I’m already dreading the next one because of how intense they are. It’s still very manageable but takes so much concentration!”

At 9:42 they were 5-7 minutes apart, and a minute or more long.

Tabitha said they would head my direction, but I was worried it may be too early. I didn’t want to stall things out again. We began to fill the tub, knowing it would take a long time to fill, but wanting to get in as soon as possible. I was worried to though—sometimes getting in the water too soon stalls labor because it relaxes you too much.

Contractions got 4.5 and then 3.5 minutes apart. But as soon as Tabitha said she was on her way, they started to space out again. This was really discouraging as I really wanted a baby, and not another night of false labor. I was also really worried about everyone coming and worrying about me if things weren’t even happening.

Around 10:35 Tabitha, Valerie and Mary showed up. Contractions were seriously spacing out, and I was worried. The contractions were very random, and I never knew when to expect one. I may have one 5 minutes apart, but the next 30 minutes later. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to the timing. On the other hand, they were SO intense. I remember that every contraction forced me to have NOTHING AND NO PRESSURE on my stomach. I was surprised by that need, and discouraged as my back really hurt. Every time I had a contraction I had to get up on my knees (I was sitting on the couch), face the back corner of the couch where it was high and soft, and lean forward on it, letting my belly hang with nothing touching it. It was weird how strong that need was. NO PRESSURE ON MY STOMACH.

I remember one contraction before Valerie got there, and Tabitha wanted to help with my back pain. She applied gentle counter pressure to my back during a contraction and I was able to express that it was very uncomfortable, so she stopped. After the contraction I thanked her, but said it was just hurting. Later, when Valerie was there, she had the same train of thought (it’s a very common thing for counter pressure to be super helpful with back labor, so it makes total sense that they both wanted to help). During a contraction she came over and pushed on my back. I don’t know if she pushed harder or if the contractions were just more intense by then, but it REALLY hurt. I said something along the lines of “NOO. It HURTS”, but knew it didn’t come out very eloquently. After the contraction I apologized profusely. That is the closest I have come to yelling at someone in labor and I felt awful! She assured me that she was not offended, but to this day, over two years later, I still wish I had been able to control my voice better. I knew that both of them meant to help me, and their efforts were greatly appreciated.

They had been encouraging me for a while to go to bed and rest. They though t that the dark and quiet would be good for me, but I was so worried about it! I knew that I wouldn’t get any rest, as I would have to flip onto my hands and knees every contraction… which doesn’t exactly make for good resting. But finally, around midnight I decided to try. Michael and I went and lay down, but sure enough, within a few minutes a contraction came and I had to flip onto hands and knees, relieving the pressure on my stomach. I lay back down and tried to rest, but a few minutes later it happened again. Contractions tend to be a lot more intense when you are laying down, and these were awful! I was so tired, and honestly didn’t even know yet if I was in labor for real. 

After 3 or 4 contractions, I told Michael I was DONE being in bed, and that as soon as the next contraction was over, I was going back into the front room with everyone. Little did I know that in the front room they were already satisfied: having dark and privacy had pushed me into a more active labor, which was the hope.

The contractions were a bit more regular after being in the room, but not a lot. Still pretty sporadic. I remember getting so tense during them, and nothing was helping me relax, though I was trying to. At one point Mary came over and gently smoothed my forehead, reminding me to relax it, and it was so comforting! I really appreciated it, and it helped me to relax a lot. Still, they really hurt. I was really thrown by that: my first birth didn’t hurt at all until crowning.

I told Michael that after the next contraction I needed to go to the bathroom, but I would need him with me. I knew the cold was very likely to make it hurt more, and I would need his support. While on the toilet, at 12:58, I finally felt the familiar feeling of my body tensing to push. The Fetal Ejection Reflex was beginning to work. It was only for a split second, but that was the first time I was SURE I was actually in labor, and going to have a baby that night. I was SOOO ready to get in the tub, so they began to fill the other half up.

I suddenly was faced with a dilemma. I did NOT want to change, but I also didn’t want to get in the tub in normal clothes. I knew they would be a pain to get off later. So I needed to change, but I knew any cool air would make it hurt more. I also was NOT willing to just undress and hop in. A lot of people say they get to a point where they don’t care about being modest in labor. I never seem to get to that point. I don’t mind being a bit exposed when necessary, but I also want to be as covered as is reasonable for the situation. They helped me to quickly change into the tankini top that I birthed my first in, and I got in the tub. Immediately happy words began to flow from my mouth and mind. I think I said something along the lines of, “Oh, yes! Warm water is God’s gift to women!” I was so relieved to be in the water. It always comforts and relaxes me so much! 

I checked, and felt her head really low. It was so relieving, and I knew it was going to be okay.

I started full on pushing (again, my body doing all the work through FER, but I mean full on bearing down now instead of the little squeeze that let me know it was starting) at 1:11. At 1:15 the chart notes that I was pushing only with some contractions and not with others. Even as late as 1:17, WHILE PUSHING, they noted that my contractions were still quite far apart. I think they were also still sporadic at that time, though I am not certain. At 1:18 I felt a pop and a bit of a gush and knew that my water had broken. I felt her head RIGHT THERE, and knew it wouldn’t be long.

Pushing was weird. With our son I was leaning back between contractions, and laying my head in my mom’s lap. Then the contraction would make me crunch forward as I pushed. I was really able to rest between and feel relaxed though.  But with our daughter it was completely different! Really, there was no comparison. Michael was on the couch behind me, as I lay in the birth tub. I would lay my head back on the edge and rest while I could, but I never felt very relaxed. Then a contraction would come, hard and painful, and I would have to hurry to flip over before it was too intense. I rested my head, arms and chest on the side of the tub, often holding Michael’s hand, and on my knees so my belly didn’t hurt. I remember being really poetic, and saying things like, “Ow. OW. OOOWWW. This really hurts! OOOWWW! Heavenly Father, please help me!”

I was just so surprised by it that I didn’t know how to cope with it. Pushing my son out really didn’t hurt, but this was quite painful. I remember feeling her head, still inside of me, and “realizing” that it wasn’t possible for it to fit between my hips. It just wasn’t going to happen. I felt rather matter of fact about it. I wasn’t worried about needing to transfer or anything, I think I just thought I would be in labor forever and that her head was never going to fit. Thankfully, I was wrong, but it sure felt true.

I remember suddenly realizing (at some point after getting in the tub) that the fuzziness I was feeling was hair! And a lot of it! Having that realization made the baby feel a lot more real. Sometimes in labor it is easy to forget about the point, and what the end of labor will bring. Remembering that this was all about a baby, MY real, live, beautiful daughter, made it a bit easier. 

Finally, I felt her begin to crown, and then we had a head at 1:22. I thought for a moment that her hand was by her face, but then it was gone. Later Tabitha said she thought she had seen the same thing, but was not sure. At 1:23, my sweet daughter was born! I delivered my own child, lifting her out of the water, laying down and putting her to my chest. It was SO nice to be able to finally lay back and rest, holding my precious bundle. They told me 1:23, but put 1:24 on the birth certificate. When I checked the chart, it was because she was born at 1:23.56. So I still claim 1:23. J

The placenta was delivered at 1:42. I don’t remember much after that. I was exhausted! I only had a small tear which they decided did not need to be stitched, so that was a relief.

It took me months to come to terms with my birth story. I felt like I had failed, and turned into a baby at the last minute. I had been so much “braver” during my first birth, but it also was much easier, I didn’t really have to be brave. My son's birth taught me that my body can do anything, and that my body was made for this! My daughter's birth taught me that I could do anything with the Lord on my side. It was SO hard, but I did it.

When they filled out the birth certificate that night, they asked for a middle name. Michael and I had not discussed it since the previous night. We looked at each other, and Michael said, “Joy.” Baby Joy is truly a joy to us. She has an intense and strong personality, but cannot help but bring joy where she goes.