Blind Devotion

I've had a number of friends share a new 10 minute video on Facebook lately, but it wasn't until this morning that I bothered to watch it. It really touched me, and I wanted to share it with you guys. It is a Jubilee Project short film, titled, Blind Devotion.





As I watched this, I was touched because I understood, to some degree, what both of them are going through. It was especially comforting (terrible though it sounds) to see another wife going through the pain of not being able to do the things that she had always done for her husband. The things that she felt showed him her love.

While this is a very painful position to be in, it is always nice to know that we are not alone. And even if we really are in a position where no one else could understand, our Savior does. He walked in our shoes, he knows our pain, and he has felt our sorrow. "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy own good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?" (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-8)

I also loved seeing the way that her sweet husband worked to help her, without taking her independence from her. He lifted and served her, while still allowing her to grow, and relearn the things that she could. He wished that he could just take her burdens, but he chose not to, for her sake. This gives me a great deal of hope, for two reasons. Firstly, I always feel terribly when my sweetie has to do so much for me. When I can't do it, and he has no choice but to step up and shoulder my responsibilities as well as his own. Sometimes I worry like the woman in the video that I am becoming his patient rather than his partner. But he always serves me with a smile, reminds me that he knew that I had a lot of health problems when he married me, and that he still chose me, and that he loves me and wishes to serve me. Watching this video helped me to maybe believe all of that a little bit more. You can see the earnest desire that this sweet husband has to help his wife, and that he does not see her as a burden, but the love of his life.

The other reason I find hope in this is because of the things that she learned to do. She found ways around her limitations, and so can I. There is a lot that I can still do for my husband, even when I have low energy, even when I can't do much. If nothing else, I can support and love him, and I can pray for him. I can do everything I can to work on our relationship, and not just on the state of the house, or whether his coworkers will know that I love him because his whites are white.

I think that is central. It is most important to remember the ways that I love, support, and care for my husband emotionally and spiritually. While I wish I could do more for him physically, in this temporal world, I need to accept when I can't make his lunches, or do his laundry, and focus on the things I can do for him.

How can I better lift and encourage my husband, even when I can't get up for the day? How can I trust in the Lord more, and remember that Jesus Christ understands me perfectly? How can I trust the Lord to teach me how to love my husband better?

Trust in the Lord With All Thy Heart...

Today I want to share something that has been on my mind a lot these last few months. In April 2011, President Thomas S. Monson gave a talk entitled, Priesthood Power. While it was addressed to the men, the concept applies to all of us. This quote stood out to me; "I realize there are many reasons why you may be hesitating to take that step of getting married. If you are concerned about providing financially for a wife and family, may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions." He goes on to say, "Almost anything can be worked out if you are resourceful and if you are committed to making your marriage work."

Another talk that stood out to me was in the October 2011 Conference, this time given by Neil L. Andersen, entitled, Children. I will never forget the question, shared in his talk, and asked so clearly, "where is your faith?" He discusses the great blessing that children can bring, and talks about the fear that many people have of bearing children before they are done with their schooling, have a steady job, or whatever they are waiting on. 

He told a story shared with him by Elder James O. Mason. Elder Mason and his wife had decided to wait to have kids until he had graduated from medical school. After seeing an article by Spencer W. Kimball, he went to the church office building and visited with the prophet. After listening to all of Elder Mason's reasons to wait to have children, President Kimball replied in a soft voice,"Brother Mason, would the Lord want you to break one of his important commandments in order for you to become a doctor? With the help of the Lord, you can have your family and still become a doctor. Where is your faith?" 

These thoughts and questions have always stood out to me. Elder Andersen made certain to point out that the decision of when to have children, and how many are between a couple and the Lord, and that we should not judge each other. He also mentioned that there are many reasons that a couple may not have children, one of those being infertility. I want to make it very clear--I feel no judgement on this. I do not know your situation, nor is it any of my business. I do not say that it is always a lack of faith that keeps couples from having children. But for those who are postponing having children or getting married, and perhaps have felt the promptings of the spirit encouraging them to not be afraid, I would like to share my testimony.

Getting married in today's world was scary. Thankfully, I have the best guy ever by my side, which really helps! But things were very tight. It's a long story, but my sweetie and I got married, went on our honeymoon, and returned, ready to face the world. Monday morning he woke up bright and early and went to work, only to find that the seasonal work that they thought they would have for him until we headed back to school (about 3 months) had been finished sooner than they had expected. So he came home, a newly married man, trying to start his first day back in the real world, earning money and providing for his family, suddenly jobless. This was not an easy day for either of us, and we were both concerned. But the Lord provided, as he always does. By the end of that week, we had found a couple who was moving their home and business and needed help. We both worked for them, and were able to make enough to get by until we went back to school. We also made some wonderful friends!

Back at school we were able to find an apartment for over $100 less than anything else we had seen, and we were able to be the first to call, resulting in our cute little apartment. We were in a wonderful ward, I found a fantastic job, and Michael went to school full time. It wasn't exactly our ideal, but we got by, and we were very happy. Many other miracles happened during this time. 

Jumping ahead to when we finally got pregnant... We had been worried about the finances, but knew that the Lord would provide ways for us to take care of each other and our sweet little one if he deemed it time for us to bring a child into the world. It was probably a blessing that it took 10 months to get pregnant, as things were really tight, but we trusted, and knew it would be okay. 

We started feeling like it was time to move, and the Lord lined things up so we found a perfect new apartment for a good price, with two bedrooms. We moved in, and five days later found out that we were pregnant. Our good friends that we had helped move at the beginning of our marriage contacted us, and were moving again. Michael spent that month helping them move, and coming home on the weekends (a blessing, but way too lonely! We will never do that again!). I was still working, and we were between semesters, so it was ideal timing. 

After Michael finished with that job, he finally came home, but we had extra money in savings. Sadly, I was only about 6 or 8 weeks along when we realized I would have to quit my job. The pregnancy had increased my back pain to a point that every evening after work, I could not move. I literally got stuck on the floor one night before Michael came home, because I was in so much pain. It got beyond bearing, and I ended up putting in my two weeks notice. Again, this was scary because we had no other job, we were both about to start school again, and now we had another mouth to feed on his way. But we trusted in the Lord. 

The miracles that followed are too numerous to describe. Michael got a job, and we started looking for baby gear. We wanted to buy things when they were on sale, and spread it out over the pregnancy in order to save as much money as possible. A friend gave us a big garbage bag of maternity clothes, most of which fit me then, or fit me now. We found a great deal on a crib, and on some cloth diapers. We had many good friends step in with things they no longer were using--a crib mattress and crib set, a changing table/dresser, more cloth diapers, and a changing pad for the top of the dresser among other things. We also had some friends loan us a carseat and swing that they won't be using again for a few years. We have had friends bring in meals, groceries, etc., and other friends volunteer to come help clean. I am also a part of a giving group on Facebook where everyone sends anything they aren't using anymore, and can ask for things that other people are giving away. From this we have gotten a few articles of clothing, blankets, and towels for the baby, as well as a couple of maternity things for me. We have been so richly blessed! 

We realized the other day that while there are certainly some more things we need/want for this baby, we could get by on what we have. This has especially been a blessing as I have been in bed so much. There is so little I feel like I can help with, and yet the Lord has still just shown us his great power. "Be still," he tells us, "and know that I am God." (Psalms 46:10)

I testify that as we trust in the Lord and move forward with faith, he will move mountains out of our paths, and give us whatever we need. Sometimes this is through giving us the strength to get up and accomplish it ourselves. Other times, as I am learning, he blesses us through earth angels, and expects us to learn to receive in humility and gratitude. But always, as we follow him, he will provide for and protect us. 

I testify of these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng

Children, Neil L. Andersen

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/priesthood-power?lang=eng  

Priesthood Power, Thomas S. Monson